WHERE THERE IS DESPAIR
wishing i could die,hoping i don't.
waiting for the darkness to lift.
knowing that what i will face
is just another hurdle to jump,
another burden to pick up and carry.
but what also awaits,
with diligent patience
is
a child.
a silent silhouette,
with an outstretched hand
waiting to be led astray.
wishing i could die,
hoping i don't.
with the early morning grey
i put in a movie -
THE MATRIX
i don't need volume to know
what happens next.
the bad guy dies, the good guy wins.
it's always the same.
exhausted from pain
it's eaten away at every nerve,
muscle, tendon and fiber of my being.
i just restlessly keep moving
keep breathing.
looking, listening
watching, waiting.
wishing i could die,
hoping i don't.
a lukewarm cup
of strong black coffee,
a spoonful of epsom salts
silently stirred into dissolved
[keeps things running smoothly]
i lay quietly
on my single sized foam and futon pedestal
4" off the floor.
nausea sweeps through me
i roll over and heave up from an empy stomach
onto my rented carpet.
another debt to pay.
doesn't anyone question?
what is the meaning of hunger
if there is always food?
we are ALL dying of thirst
because we poisoned the water.
no matter how long or loud i cry
no one's heard me,
no one's reached me.
wishing i could die
knowing....... i won't.
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