WHEN EVER!
Page 1 [one]
i
never, never
start
on
the first page
Page 2 [two]
there comes a time in every writers life where
she/he/they just GOTTA write!
they pick up a little notebook
whose pages are labeled
"whenever"
Page 3 [three]
and she writes...
no day, no date, no time,
no mistakes
just writes...
any topic, subject matter, style or form
Page 4 [four]
so - what do we DO during those times when we ask
"The one who is all Powerful" for help?
but get kicked in the head for the umpeenth time
Page 5 [five]
and the answer that echoes loudly is:
"I told you -'NO'!!" ?
so while i take 'no' for an answer fairly well...
what i do NOT tolerate
is feeling, at any time, like i can't help myself.
Page 6 [six]
my theory is that god helps those who help themselves.
and as i aggressively practice
space management
i can see that
whenever
Page 7 [seven]
i stand up for peace and justice....
ignorance and complacency fall from my lap.
lately i've felt like
i went straight from childhood to OLD
Page 8 [eight]
like i lived my life
in jigsaw pieces and now
the puzzle is finally finished.
Page 9 [nine]
and what i've learned from that life process
is far more valuable
and results in greater rewards
than any other life i could've lived.
Page 10[ten]
i've learned that
no matter
what or how much or how long
i've ingested, injected, inhaled or absorbed - -
it has had an affect on me.
ALL of it.
Page11 [eleven]
and ALL of it is temporary- -
not terminal.
none of it fatal or a failure.
i have a very strong sense
that i am indeed
in this world
Page 12[twelve]
but....not OF it.
a true wingnut warrior
a dedicated disciple of curiosity.
i am my best friend's
best friend...
and that's rare if you think about it.?
Page 13 [thirteen]
my move into integration has been
gentle and quiet for the most part,
i sometimes forget
certain aspects of my displaced identities
Page 14 [fourteen]
i've woven myself so thoroughly into
my sons' lives that,
at this point,
there is only transparent separation between us.
i'm ready to start
giving myself away
Page 15 [fifteen]
and celebrating life.
all my angels have taught me to be myself - -
i'm ready to show them
who i am.
Page 16 [sixteen]
i am my best friend's best friend - -
not because i'm her first friend,
not because i'm her last friend,
but because
i am NOT
her only friend.
Page 17 [seventeen]
feelings of shame that tried
to attack and destroy my psyche
became
my self esteem.
learning to acknowledge my guilt
has addressed my actions, behaviors
and thought patterns.
Page 18 [eighteen]
i am feeling enough self respect at this point
to smile in recognition of a friend,
every time i look in the mirror.
no boundary issues here
as far as i can tell!
Page 19 [nineteen]
i do feel as though
i'm crossing a line of some kind?
into foreign territory...
like a "finish" line ?
let's go back to my integration...
my fusion...
Page 20 [twenty]
we've managed to merge
a princess, a warrior, a hero, a clown, a child,
a gate keeper, a time keeper, a book keeper, a house keeper,
a goal keep, a zoo keep
AND
a promise keeper.
the only thing we wouldn't keep
was secrets.
Page 21 [twenty-one]
not much of an identity crisis here.
i've noticed no harm done
by a bit of de-stabilizing...
what i've wanted most to do in life
is to make people smile.
they don't have to know me, they don't have to like me,
they don't need to hear what i'm saying...
i just LIKE making people smile.
Page 22 [twenty-two]
the best part of trusting the process
is getting to enjoy the process.
i think my wants and my needs are on the same page
and that's a good feeling.
i can't even think of a time ever
when i haven't been happy to be alive.
Page 23 [twenty-three]
from the time i was very young
i've known what forgiveness is,
what it means
and what it DOES.
i consider myself an enthusiastic optimist
and i discovered recently
that sometimes retreat makes more sense
than surrender.
Page 24 [twenty-four]
ACT AS IF WHAT YOU DO MAKES A DIFFERENCE -- IT DOES
William James
i was born to serve
and as your humble and grateful servant
i give you my best, my loyalty and my word.
i so look forward
to sharing my life with the world around me.
Page 25 [twenty-five]
i
never, never
finish
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