new standard for thrive

     now i remember how quick we (me, Myself, and i) can "cocoon" ourselves for protection....

we create and practice the most intricate and delicate of self presrvation tactics🐢

its been rewarding to recognize just exactly how much of our work on that level has paid off.

im comforted by the memories i have chosen to hold onto -- and very eager to be on watch for making even MORE memories.

as we merge and radiate from our core essence

the sweet bliss of oblivion settle around us like a firm but gentle hug..

and with every thought i send out -- a firm and gentle hug to those i hold in my heart goes out with it.

i no longer need to fight racing thoughts, theyve become the lifeline i use for survival.

life is good...

with eternal maternal

 light and life 

i  offer this abundance 

to any and all who join 

me in my journey.

Be Blessed my Beloveds🐢

with humble gratitude i offer you this:

in meditation i am often lifted up away from the entanglements of life to search for a broader vision of purpose and destiny.

in those times between worlds

the heavens above me and

 the earth below me

 are united within me.

 im given the challenge to relinquish control of my greatest fears-- will i fail?

will i be abandoned?

then expected to replace those fears with the undiluted potential in change, in growth and in ultimate enlightenment.

BECAUSE...

even if i DO fail--

even if i AM abandoned--

i will rise again.

 from the ashes of my dying flame i will ignite from the slightest of sparks.

so as i surrender my smallness to the vast unknown

 i honor the significance 

of my brothers and my sisters,

of my sons and my daughters.

their faith is my faith--

their hope is my hope--

their strength is my strength.

asking for honesty and kindness to guide and direct--

 union with the Divine becomes our truth--

the spirit of light and life has been restored--

 recovery becomes reality ushering in Eternal love.

heavens above

 earth below

united within 

and we are one.

Namaste'

SEEKING TRUTH

    [Finding Courage]

It is rare for me to make my tarot or rune meditations public but I am willing to share these in particular to illustrate a point. I asked two separate questions- one  each for the tarot and the runes. I consider my approach for receiving feminine guidance to be 

“reaching for the stars”.on Friday 27december 2019 @ 11am I inquired of the tarot:

How can I best help myself?

At that same sitting I posed a question for the runes- what I consider as masculine guidance or “working for the harvest”.

I simply inquired of the runes:

How can I be useful?

In both spreads the format includes 3 parts with 3 correlating tarot cards and/or runes.

Here I will present the readings exactly as they were written.

Past ...situation/issue ...8 cups ..reversed

How can I use intuition to structure my recovery?

What kind of psychic boundaries can/should I set?

Present....action....Death..reversed (Major Arcana XIII)

Engage in and experience deep emotional transition; quietly step into complete transformation.

Future....outcome...Heirophant..reversed

(Major Arcana V)

Ability to live quietly, teaching others in an unassuming way; practicing a high standard of personal ethics.

So, what makes this meditation significant is how tight and close it is interwoven with the everyday - routinely simple - ins and outs of my current ordinary existence. Keep in mind however, that without divine guidance  and inspiration, I have no clue for how I operate! And I don’t think I’d stand much chance of surviving in this world...a world not meant to sustain (or able to protect) my peculiar kind of energy.

I sometimes feel as though I went straight from childhood to “Old”...like I lived my life in jigsaw pieces and the puzzle is suddenly finished... like I just woke up from a life long dream and instead of wondering “ where am I?” I’m  asking “what’s next?”
Because it was necessary, I spent most of my life cultivating adaptability. At this end of my life I am absolutely fluid with my adaptability and it isn’t always in my best interest to be that way. I often find myself aware of being in an unhealthy, possibly unsafe, environment or surrounded by toxic people-and yet have no recall for where I was just moments before. 
The way in which this all relates to my meditation is in how I actually SEE  changes being made as a result of my efforts.
What I am wanting to illustrate is how someone as simpleminded and oblivious as I am can carry a message of hope just by “being”! 

I truly believe we each have a purpose and a path....bless those who carry on....
Thank you all for your faithful attention to my notes and notions. May we meet again

My Life in Reverse

AUTOBIOGROPHY

Memoirs of a wounded child- who is alive and well

 [and living the life she loves/loving the life she lives]

 

i am currently experiencing the most powerful push toward integration that i have ever felt.

i can hear my angels in their megaphone voice and they're saying:

"give yourself up! we have you surrounded!"

what choice do i have? 
i see through the eyes of my alter-id; it's a strange sensation to watch the hands attached to your arms do something that you aren't controlling!!?  then, as you and your alter-id begin a conversation, you both realize that it's a mutually enjoyable activity. 

i can see AND hear my self as i become more unified.
through the process of having shared experiences we gain unity.
another aspect of  being "all-at-once" [the term we use for absolute Oneness or "of a single mind"] is the ability to simultaneously experience any/all given combinations of the 5 senses in an acute state of awareness...and yet still be so separated 
- mind from body -dissociated to the point of amnesia-
that i can watch what i'm doing and look where i'm going from the viewpoint of a third person...i call those times 
"taking a moment to 3rd party out" 
and i'm usually astounded by what i see!! 
hyper vigilant is a term commonly used to describe the overall condition of someone who is exhibiting this mindset. and it's the mindset we find our self in... most of the time.
the sudden awareness of being "present" in a situation or during an interaction can be rather startling!

Trudging the Happy Road

its 420 💫💣💤

i've heard it said that people like me, and like a few other "foot soldiers" i know- march to the beat of a different drummer- - so it makes sense for those who see our marching style and stride as un-synchronized with theirs to tell us we're "doing it all wrong!" - we can't march WITH them because we don't march LIKE them....we're told to "go away, you're messing up our rhythm!"
yeah? well? sometimes it seems like marching to the beat of a different drummer also puts us on
 "the road less traveled"....go figure!
no one ever said it would be easy.  The ordinary hero who faithfully trudges on their ordinary path..?
they are bound to witness AND experience extraordinary events.

every day in every way i do my best to show my gratitude for all opportunities to be of service, to make people smile...to trudge the happy road.
i'm grateful today that i made it through another winter and for all the life lessons im bringing into this year

krikets khorus

THE SHADOWS PRAYER

i ask all those gods who guide and protect me:

if i am without  empathy, without compassion

will i find myself empty?  exposed?

will my faith in humanity be diminished?

how will i carry on?

how will i hold my head high

and my heart open?

please restore my empathy,

please give me back my compassion -

please return these gifts to me.

i will wait.

.and while i wait in the
 gentle calm of darkness,

i will diligently continue to remove obstacles,
 repair broken tools,
replace useless ideas
with prayer and
meditation
and mend my tattered nets.

as the shadow descends i ask once more

how can i be useful today?

"they that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength,

they shall mount up as eagles...

they shall run and not be weary,

they shall walk and not faint...

teach me lord         to wait  ..."

KRIKET'S KHORUS

i  give up

 

when i hear the word 'surrender' there are a couple different images

that come to mind.

first, a very vivid view of an emotionally

 worn out and wounded toddler

struggling up into the tender outstretched arms of her mother.

she has exhausted herself with a fit of temper

that flared as the result of not getting

what she thought she wanted.

her only recourse is 

to "give up"

but she knows she can trust the safety and warmth that awaits her

in her mothers ample lap.

"my creator,

i am now willing that you should have all of me,

good and bad...."

i give up.

 another image:

an equally well defined  picture with a band of  

weary warriors who've battled courageously,

but have been soundly defeated.

out comes the white flag.

they willingly admit their best chance of survival

is to join ranks with the winning side.

their only recourse is 

to "give up"

the ability to co-operate and co-exist

with an opponent - 

for even a moment -

is often the key to ultimate conquest.

"...for it is in dying that we awaken to new life..."

i give up.

simple isn't always easy.

is there any among my beloveds

who know the powers of a phenomenal fabled force 

called "pushmepullyou"?*

it's the magnetic energy that wakes you up

and either carefully pushes you back onto 

the familiar and fertile turf of your past...or...

 gently pulls you into what's right in front of you - -

uncharted territory that beckons ---

mysteriously, an adventure awaits .

enticing and inviting 

all disciples of curiosity.

all species become one - 

all living things are gifted free will.

there are/will be opportunities   to discover 

what you can willingly offer.

your own individual pushme

and your own unique pullyou

you have perspectives and a point of view

all validated by the creative expression you choose to practice.

you are never alone within the darkest hours of your journey.

it is from THAT center  where we radiate and merge.

i often find myself

surrendering to 

or

retreating from

whatever is surrounding me.

i pray daily

for the wisdom

AND the curiosity

to seek that which will hold me in check...

hold me accountable...

hold me gently...

that which will hold me UP

 during those times when  

"i give up"

is my only recourse.

whenever you push me

and i gratefully move ahead ,

whenever i pull you

and you faithfully follow.

all living things step up to the 

pushmepullyou  stop sign

at some point in their journey

it is indeed very possible to co-exist and

to cooperate with society

without compromising our integrity

* the  push me pull you is a fairy tale character in the stories of Dr. Dolittle.
[who could talk to the animals]  it looks like a hybrid mix
of  a llama/ a camel/ and the Cookie Monster  ...
this animal had a fully functional front  -- on both ends
so it comes and goes  [pushes backward pulls forward]
not quite simultaneously..more like synchronized...agreeably for the most part...
what this ordinary make believe critter companion accomplished - -
 in its ordinary make believe  way, was a template for human decency.
promoting AND promising  an unhindered surge in any direction
 having not much more than primal instinct to rely on [trusting the process]
and well rehearsed interactions to build on [solid platform for recovery
//solid support for growth]
the pushmepullyou is one of a kind in every sense.
from this  description , orchestrated motion and profound wisdom
reality blazes in thundering currents

i wish not to judge
while onward i trudge
self acceptance is truly
a dance away,
it's being the last to cross the finish line
and sharing a hug with the one who crossed it first. 

it is
The Shadows Prayer